Developing Self-Confidence.

Thank You for the image to Zack Callahan on unsplash.

Whilst every situation is different and needs timing and there is no one magic bullet to make you happy or successful, self-confidence covers a lot of ground. Self-confidence is different to self-esteem, in that self-esteem is an evaluation of yourself, and similar to self-efficiacy, which is your belief in yourself to accomplish things. Central to these is self-confidence, which also includes confidence in general. Being low in confidence can lead to poor performance and poorer mental health. Being over-confident can lead to narcissism. So whilst it is definitely in your interest to develop self-confidence, you should also check in with reality every so often.

Confident people report higher motivation, better performance and are better at dealing with stress, they take risks and set realistic goals that they can reach. Confident people are percieved to be more knowledgable than those with low self-confidence. You may be reading this article because you want more self-confidence. The good news is that self-confidence can improve if you do certain things.

I am quoting from wikipedia here on the wellness wheel. It is an in depth description of the different facets of self confidence and it is the first study that focused on a wellness model, which is what positive psycholgy does today, which is what my blog is based upon.

"The Wheel of Wellness was the first theoretical model of Wellness based in counseling theory. It is a model based on Adler's individual psychology and cross-disciplinary research on characteristics of healthy people who live longer and with a higher quality of life. The Wheel of Wellness includes five life tasks that relate to each other: spirituality, self-direction, work and leisure, friendship, and love. There are 15 subtasks of self-direction areas: sense of worth, sense of control, realistic beliefs, emotional awareness and coping, problem solving and creativity, sense of humor, nutrition, exercise, self-care, stress management, gender identity, and cultural identity. There are also five second-order factors, the Creative Self, Coping Self, Social Self, Essential Self, and Physical Self, which allow exploration of the meaning of wellness within the total self. In order to achieve a high self-esteem, it is essential to focus on identifying strengths, positive assets, and resources related to each component of the Wellness model and using these strengths to cope with lifes challenges.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-confidence

By far the most important step to building sef-confidence is facing challenges. Setting small achievable goals and working on them consistently until you succeed. The next most important step is accepting that you make mistakes sometimes, especially if you are learning something new. You calmly deal with the mistake, try to fix it, and try again. Thomas Edison tried one thousand times to invent the light globe, eventually succeeding and giving us what is now electricity.

Self-talk also plays its part in having confidence. You shouldn't pay attention to negative thoughts and you should give credence to positive thoughts. How many times have you been told this without grasping it. Try to act positive too. If you act confident, stand tall, speak with eloquence and smile this can lead to more self-confidence and help others to percieve you as being self-confident.

You can also make sure that those you associate with are positive, upbeat and supportive and that you have fun with them. This doesn't mean that you don't ever forgive anybody their faults, but toxic relationships sometimes just call for an act of goodbye (and good riddance).

You can also focus on your strengths. Maybe you are talented at some things, or you have a great sense of humour or are resilient or give good advice when advice is due. Or maybe you are very clean and house-proud. You should write them down. Keep an achievement log, in this log put small successes, even like, I did the dishes! I got up earlier, I finished my essay, I ran an extra km. Celebrate your wins, small and great. Re-read your log when you need a lift.

Being grateful can also boost your confidence. You can keep a gratuity journal, which is like a regular journal except that you record everthing in a positive light. The journal is great for training your mind to be positive. You can also write a list of five or ten achievements you have made and celebrate those if you like.

In the case where you want to be percieved by others as having good self-confidence you can easily turn on the charm. This means having a genuine smile, being agreeable, giving the person your whole attention, (listening), giving them praise and letting them know they are appreciated. This will not only help with your own self-confidence but the people around you too.

Having low self esteem comes down to one thing really and that is the idea that 'I'm not good enough'. You should value yourself like a diamond. You are good enough and you deserve everything you want.

When you are stuck, think like this:

'I can be successful if I work on it'.

'You won't know unless you try'.

'You learn on the job'.

'You can think on your feet'.

'Practice makes perfect'.

'Rome wasn't built in a day'.

'Keep going'

'Stick to it'

'Laziness may appear to be attractive, but hard work satisfies'
Anne Frank.

'Hard work brings prosperity'.
Proverbs.

'Find something you are passionate about and do it'.

'Get back on your horse'.

People with confidence demonstrate grit, the ability to sacrifice short term pleasures for long germ goals. You lose weight one day at a time, including trial and error, finding the right diet and exercise routine for you.

Talking about exercise, with all its benefits including better body shape, being fitter is a sure fire way to boost your self -confidence. Just an hour a day of working out, walking, running, swimming or whatever takes your fancy will do your body and mind a world of good. Be aware that it could take a few months or more to start getting results, but you will thank yourself in the end.

Women maybe a little more susceptable to men in case of a confident body image. Confident women may even be percieved as dominating and off-putting. In which case it is important for you to maintain your self confidence and integrity even moreso. There is always going to be someone prettier, better or richer than you, so you may as well deal with it as well as letting it get you down. Tell yourself you are too pretty to worry about it, that looks are only skin deep. Let your light shine. Focus on your positve traits. Above all maintain your levels of self esteem and confidence. Combined with some excellent grooming, no one will notice your flaws, it's more the way you carry yourself.

Now, after that run you just had, it's time for a shower. Do not let anybody tell you not to shower because of the oils in your skin. It is really bad advice and won't give you any confidence. Now it is time to put on fresh, nice clothes and treat yourself to a dash of cologne, because clothes maketh the man, so dress the part, and smelling good increases your confidence, scientific fact. I am going to make some natural cologne for women and men in the near future. Although it won't be shipped outside of Australia because of customs rules. Please check back at newtownchic.etsy.com in a few weeks. Soon you will be able to buy clothes from me, coupled with those and excellent grooming you will be ready for success.

Does Self-confidence cost money? Yes, you have to invest in things sometimes. Never let yourself spiral into debt. This gives all of your power to the bank with none left for you. A healthy savings account gives you confidence. Just get the bank teller to chop it up in front of you and put a stop on your credit.

Give charity and a helping hand to people whenever you can. Helping others drenches your brain in feel good chemicals. Volunteer if you like. There is a dreadful form of lack of confidence in some of the long-term unemployed where they have spiralled into depression and ennui and can't get out. It's not enough for someone to say 'get a job'. Or, 'you made your bed, you lie in it'. Volunteering is a good way out, entrepeneurship seems to be a good solution to it as well. A similar thing can happen in a job that you hate. They say, to try to find some joy in it if you can't actually leave.

Now you are nearly ready to to take on the world. Never listen to people who tell you you can't do something, listen to your gut and follow your heart. Do what you know is right. Do things that make you happy. Face your fears and try to stretch yourself a bit further every day.  Try to maintain a work, life balance, so that leisure offsets hard work and vice versa. Don't overdo it. Conversely it is humilty that lets you put in the hard yards. This is real self confidence, knowing that if you try, you will succeed. The sky is the limit.